Five years is a long time to wait for anything.
But when that waiting involves the wait for a baby, the timeframe seems infinitely longer.
And infertility makes you wait. Infertility causes one to hit the pause button on life.
After the tumultuous birth of Esther, I decided to take a year off before trying to have a third baby. My body was tired and needed to recover and my mind certainly not less so.
It didn't make sense. At the start of my journey, I was 32-years-old, in the prime of life. Yet I was unable to conceive a much wanted child. And I had two girls without the need for medical intervention already.
Yet no baby came. Weeks turned into months that evolved into years. Fertility doctor after fertility doctor could offer no explanation as to why my body would not cooperate.
No hope. Secondary infertility is real. Raw. Rough.
Test after test was run. I seemed healthy. So I cried out to God "why this innate desire to have a child that is not to be?"
But nothing prepared me for the shock I received one July night, four and a half years and $20000 deep into infertility treatments.